Park Origin Story!
How it all began!
Park-Origin Story
My daughter (newly age 6) and I were at the park playing one day last summer. It was hot, like 93* hot, so she was playing under the slide in the shade. I resided at a picnic table, which, unfortunately was not in the shade, in a failed attempt to read at least one chapter in my book.
The shadeful play in her secret lair was too tempting for another smaller child, about 3 years, not to join. I immediately put down my book to observe. After all, watching children interact together is way more thrilling than reading about them interacting. It is so fascinating to witness little brains engage and observe what communication small children use with each other. Children are absolutely brilliant!
Anyways, my daughter had been in the middle of making some sort of castle, and this little girl wanted to help by piling on more readily available sand and rocks. My daughter immediately became agitated with the new addition to the castle and she started trying to block and guard her creation. I could feel the conflict coming, but through many years of practice, I have become accustomed to pausing and resisting the urge to immediately jump in and rescue children. So again, I paused and observed for a few more moments.
At this moment, I also noticed the little girl’s dad become increasingly uncomfortable as he tried to figure out what to do. After shouting at her to, “Be nice” he suggested that she go play somewhere else.
Of course this wasn’t going to work.
Through his slightly embarrassed look, I could see his soft eyes so I decided to let him off the hook and I went in to gently coach the situation.
As typical, I first stated my observations without judgement. “I see two little girls building a castle.” My daughter comes back with, “Yea, only she keeps messing up the walls.” As if on cue- “Hey, No. Don’t do that.”
My turn again. “Remember Evie, when we say “No” to something, we must label it, like, “No pushing walls down.” Remember?” I asked. She returned with a sheepishly guilty reply of “Oh yea.”
I went on to coach her by letting her know that when playing with smaller children, they understand better when they are told what TO DO to help, instead of telling them what they cannot do. So to bring her into the problem-solving arena I asked, “So what can you tell her to let her know how to help you in the right way? What can she do?”
Okay.” said my daughter, feeling empowered. She turned to the little girl and confidently said, “Okay, if you want to help me build this castle, you need to make a wall right there. Make it super high, as high as you can. Can you do that!?” “Yes! Oh-tay,” said the other child compliantly and they happily continued playing.
My job was done- for now.
As I walked back to my spot at the bench, I caught the father’s eyes. “Okay. How did you do that,” he asked. “How do you know to do that?”
I laughed, truly appreciating his acknowledgement. Then I revealed to him that I used to have a nature-play-based preschool and that I have had lots of practice and degree in childhood speech and language development. I described a bit more about my preschool and what developmentally appropriate practice is as well as the dangers of push-down academics. I always get nerdy when I talk about the benefits of child-led learning, nature, and cooking with Littles- my three loves. I couldn’t resist delving into all the encompassing benefits that can come from cooking with children.
But I digressed, or I thought I did.
Not only, at this point, did he not seem annoyed, but he seemed genuinely intrigued. So I continued. I explained further about my beloved preschool. I drew on how we played outside together practically all day long, gardening, collecting chicken and duck eggs, even making our nap tents outside. And when we were inside, we were cooking together. We cooked all our meals together. Here is where we had our deep philosophical conversations- around the table. So, my children basically spent their days exploring, inventing, and cooking.
And when children are together freely for long periods of time, there are lots of opportunities for conflicts! So, lucky me, I was compelled to research a lot and I had lots of practice coaching children of 3, 4, and 5 years old, in the realm of conflict negotiations. Figuring out effective ways to talk with each other and with me as their adult leader was our daily practice. That was our ultimate education.
This father and I talked forever it seemed. Or maybe it was I who talked forever.
I ended with “It was the hardest, most fun and meaningful thing I’ve ever done. Those children were my life and helped me learn more than I could have ever taught them.”
He tilted his head, and in a kind of disappointed posture and then voiced that he wished he knew some of these tricks. He said that if he knew more about how to communicate more effectively with his daughter, then he could reduce the amount of frustration they have with each other.
His honesty and vulnerability pierced my heart and my gut.
But, his confession was not new. I hear this repeated theme in stories from parents often, especially when parents and adult guides reach out to me. Parents want to play, teach, learn, and have quality bonds with their children. They are trying so hard, yet, oftentimes, what they are doing isn’t quite working the way they want, and they are willing to learn.
I owe this dad a lot. It was him, his brave, unabashed yearning for more inspired me to design ongoing trainings and courses that help give parents and other adult guides insight and strategies into working with children from a communication and connection coaching perspective.
So now, after several layoffs of my husband and several moves, I finally have been given the time, space, and enough encouragement to combine the experiences from my undergrad degree in speech and language development, my nature-preschool teaching extravaganzas, my time working in Early Childhood Intervention, and even the trainings from our adoption process, into fun courses that will help give families the tools better outcomes.
I feel I have now had enough experiences that qualify me and give me confidence to work to ensure others know and have opportunities to practice the proven strategies I know to be effective. My crazy experiences have guided me to this path. I now design courses that give adults proven tools to communicate more effectively with their children.
Effective communication increases cooperation and elevates connection. With the right tools, it is possible to turn moments of contention and correction, into moments of quality connection.