Over-helping/ Rescuing/ Enabling!

9-3-2020

Even though over-helping or rescuing or enabling comes at a great cost, we do it automatically with the best intentions! We just scoop in and solve problems! But, in doing so, we also reduce learning opportunities and moments that build confidence and competence in our kids! 

Sometimes, Yes! We totally need to fix the situation due to time constraints or other things. But often, we just fix, because we are fixers. The objective here is to just become aware and decide how to approach the situation.

This is where key effective communication strategies come into place!

Here are some examples of over-helping:

– Child is trying to get in his car-seat. We notice struggle, so we scoop him up and plop him in.

– Child is trying to butter her own toast. We are more efficient, so we take the knife and proceed to finish buttering the toast.

– Child is making bed, it is not quite to our standards, so we interrupt and either dictate how it should be done or finish it ourselves.

– A child is struggling with peeling an orange, and we may either offer to finish it or we take it and finish it.

*** In all these scenarios, the parent was not invited in to assist. The child was contently or even contently-ish trying to solve their own problem. We just “helped!” Cuz, ya know- That’s what we do!

When noticing our own tendencies, it is hard sitting in our own discomfort and also watching our child sit in their own discomfort. Watching a child struggle is hard!

But the ability to persevere through uncomfortable situations is a valuable skill in and of itself.

When reflecting back, what kinds of things do you tend to over-help with?

Of course, modeling acts of helping, generosity, and kindness is absolutely important to do, because if we want our kiddos to engage in such things, they must see us authentically doing it as well.

The whole point of this article and everything else I do, is to just help bring about awareness and intentionality in our actions and communicative efforts with our kids. 

With love and intention,
~Meagan