Measuring Cup Analogy!
Give positive attention and get positive results!
Filling up your child’s measuring cup
4/8/2020
When thinking of our children, let’s look at their need for attention as a measuring cup that must be filled. Our little humans will ensure it is filled each day with attention- positive or negative. Most children do not have the articulation abilities to say things like “Mom, I really need you to engage with me for a few minutes. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and dysregulated from today’s activities.”
However, children seem especially skilled at ensuring they get our attention by doing things that will absolutely get our engagement. Things like: screaming, messing into things they know they shouldn’t, engaging us power-struggles, back-talking, rolling their eyes, giving us that sideways glance to see if we noticed something suspicious, etc.
When we take the time to make sure that we are filling our child’s measuring cup with positive attention, aka connection, we are doing them and ourselves a world of good. This is because when their attention measuring cup is full of positive attention, they engage less in “un-helpful” acts to get it filled! The child feels more connected and more content.
To make the measuring cup idea more concrete, remember that it takes 16 Tablespoons to fill a one cup measuring cup. If we can strive to do 16 small acts of connection -each day, then we are contributing to filling our child’s need for positive attention, lessening his need and the probability of him getting into trouble.
Please do not let this 16 number feel overwhelming. Remember every smile, pet name reference, loving eye contact, embrace, picnic, dance party, dress-up date, and moment in the kitchen making cookies, is each a contributing tablespoon to filling that attention cup.
Notice your increased attempts at connection, and notice your child’s decreased attempts at getting it and needing correction!
Making cookies together is a wonderful way to connect! A cookie, no matter the flavor, is a tangible symbol of your connection time together!
Remember, it’s not about the cookies, it’s about the connection.
With intentional communication and connection
~Meagan
And here is the facebook group dedicated to answering all your kitchen, cookie, and kid related questions.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentchildcommunication/?ref=group_header