Neutrally-Spontaneous Learning Opportunity!
Everyday there are natural opportunities presented to us that we can capitalize on to help us teach lessons to our children.
Often these opportunities are missed, but nevertheless, they are there. As we elevate our awareness, then we will see opportunities all over and begin to elevate our ability to capitalize on them!
Here is one such opportunity:
While at the store recently, my daughter brought these lovely oven mitts to me and said, “These are so pretty. We should probably buy them.”
I tried them on and immediately fell in love with them! They were fantastic in every way.
But the thing was- I didn’t really need them and after some brief hem-haw I opted not to purchase them.
**Herein lies the beauty of what I call the Neutrally-Spontaneous Learning Opportunity!
That means capitalizing upon an opportunity where the child and or his/her behavior is not the overt target of the lesson.
It describes the process of the adult verbally processing through a personal struggle that can be highlighted as the target and the lesson.
Example: So instead of just saying “No”, tossing the oven mitts back, and walking away….
We can wonder…^How can I use this opportunity to help my child not feel so alone or targeted? We have had a lot of corrections lately. What have we been struggling with recently, that I can use this situation to help him/her learn a skill more deeply- but from my perspective?^
So- how can we capitalize on this moment? What can be taught and learned here?
First, let’s note a few common struggles that occur with our kids and model how to use this opportunity to embrace, problem-solve, persevere, and develop skills to potentially address these struggles.
Common struggles, especially relative to a store, might include:
melting, tantrums, inability to wait or have patience, inability to wait for a potential positive outcome, inability to problem-solve, inflexibility in hearing a “No”, inability to verbalize need/wants, inability to acknowledge a frustration and recover, inability to engage in a redo, inability to admit a wrongdoing, inability to apologize, inability to make right, intolerance, etc. to name a few.
So when we are presented with an opportunity to model success or functioning or tolerance through these skills and others, we should capitalize on that opportunity.
Some communication and verbalizing of certain skills that we can model might sound something like:
“Gosh.Thank you. These are awesome. I love the colors! Wow. I really want these mittens. They are so cool!______ But ya know what, I wonder if I really need them… [Bring in feelings as much as possible.] Hmmm, I’m going to have to think about this a moment. ______I’m a little bit frustrated. My heart really wants these.
But my brain is telling me that the green ones I have are just fine for now.______ I think I am going to wait and have patience. My brain is also telling me to remember these for when the green ones are ready to be recycled. I’m going to take a picture of them so that I remember them when I need them. And if they are not here, that is okay. I’ll find another pair. ‘No problem so great that can’t be solved.’ Thank you for thinking of me, Kiddo.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness. As amazing as these are, and even though I want them, these definitely go into the “want” category and not the “need” category for now. So let’s not get them. Sometimes we have to leave things that we want huh. It’s okay. I’ll be fine. I am resilient.”
…..
This is obviously a long version of what might need to be modeled and of course you would tailor your communication to the level and understanding of your child.
But I hope you are sensing how neutrally-spontaneous learning opportunities present themselves more often than perhaps has been realized. We really need to elevate our awareness -so we can verbalize our struggles -so that our kiddos know that we go through them too.
Not only are we being relatable and human to our child, but we are modeling feelings, specific language, coping strategies, and so many other skills during the process.
Your turn!
What do you think of this concept and process- the Neutrally-Spontaneous Learning Opportunity? Are you going to try it? If you do, let me know how it goes! Share with me your learning process!
Elevating our awareness for this strategy and opportunity and others like it can help us model the exact behavioral expectations we want to see in our kids. In fact- this concept comes from a small piece of a training in my course- The Connecting in the Kitchen Method. My program is a 12 week, step-by-step, 1:1 coaching program where we cover so many of these kinds of parenting techniques- the nuanced and more obvious.
We, as parents, so often expect certain behaviors and practices from our children when we have not actually taught them the behavior or skill. We must learn how to teach skills in ways that empower your children to WANT to apply them. It’s a really fun process that pays back in kiddos who listen and cooperate!
I think that is all for now!
Cheers!
With elevated communication and connection,
~Meagan
**Remember, “When we learn how to do better, we are able to do better. This applies to our kiddos as well as to us!” ~MD
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P.S.S.
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